census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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