true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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