I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
BRING THE BAGELS
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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