You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
