shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
