My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Randomize
