I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
