I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
