Do vagina's smell?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
