Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
