hotel room ftw
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
