just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize