I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
