You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I want to have your abortion
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
