you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
