He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
