I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
