The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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