but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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