you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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