your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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