3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT