I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
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She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
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It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life