sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.