She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.