It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Randomize
