my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize