hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
