so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.