You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
