do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
