The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
God, I missed his penis.
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