He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
