so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
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