it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
This baby is an asshole
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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