Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
