I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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