my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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