I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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