FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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