You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
