Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He called his prostate his "boner button".
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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