the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
