...so i touched it.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Come share oat with me in your robe
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
