after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
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