My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
