Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
