he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
