I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
