So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
