i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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