At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
