Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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