Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
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