I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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