Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
