kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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