so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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