how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
