i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
