About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
