We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
