how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
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