Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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