no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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