Sry I called you an 8
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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